The Legacy of Church Shoes

Yesterday we attended the 9:00 am Mass. As per usual, the church was full. This Mass attracts quite a few families with small children. One family in particular caught my eye. They had seven children dressed in their “Sunday best” who looked like they ranged in age from seven years old to a few weeks old. What attracted my attention was not the size of the family. Rather it was the behavior of the children. They were not perfect, but they were definitely under control. Mom and Dad were certainly busy and I doubt that Mass offers them much time for deep meditation, but it was clear that each child knew a certain level of decorum was expected. How do parents do that?

It’s the shoes. Okay, maybe it takes more than church shoes, but special clothes and shoes for church send a clear signal that the outing to church is not the same as an outing to the playground. As soon as my babies were out of the onesies they were into church clothes for Mass. By the time they were toddlers the boys had collared shirts and usually a clip-on tie. They always wore dress shoes—never sneakers. My daughter was always in a dress. She had black patent leather shoes for after Labor Day and white patent leather shoes for after Easter. (Some Southern habits never die!) If they needed to take a picture book it was a “church book”. I had a good supply of children’s books on the saints to accompany us on Sunday.

I’ve heard the argument that God just wants us at Mass. He doesn’t care how we are dressed. It is true that the state of our heart is far more important than the state of our attire. But what does it say about the state of our heart when we cannot be bothered with presenting ourselves in a special way to receive Our Lord? Children pick up on this very quickly. When they see a little extra effort going into the attendance at Mass week after week they absorb this is an important event. If they see no special attention given to Mass attendance they will think of it as no more than an afterthought.

In addition to “dressing up” a bit for Mass, we tried to arrive early so we would be settled by the time the entrance hymn began. As much as possible, I expected the kids to follow along with the gestures: genuflect upon entering the pew, Sign of the Cross when appropriate, sit-stand-kneel as directed. Walk to communion with hands folded. In spite of these efforts we still had our share of Mass meltdowns. But these were the exceptions rather than the rule. A warning “Mommy look” usually nipped any shenanigans in the bud. None of my children ever wanted to be taken to the restroom during Mass for a nose-to-nose “Mommy talk”.

Good behavior at Mass was also coupled with happy family times. Sometimes this meant enjoying donuts at the social hour after Mass. Sometimes it meant going out for brunch. Sometimes it meant a special family meal at home. I never expected my three-year-olds to be contemplating Transubstantiation. I did expect them to be respectful of God’s house. Now my brood ranges in ages from twelve to twenty. I have had no rebellion against Mass attendance or any move to attend in shorts and T-shirts. Those in college attend Mass every week.

The bottom line is low expectations become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
It is important to give children the opportunity to meet high expectations. Church shoes are a good start.